by Khadizatul Kubra
[TRIGGER WARNING]
Sexual assault—something we hear about every day, something that shows up on our social media feeds every time we scroll—and we just move past it. Every day, there is news of a woman or a child being assaulted. I don’t even want to use the obvious “r” word right now, because the sight of it makes my heart ache. I don’t know how people in general feel, but I’m quite sure that when women avoid reading these stories, they’re simply saving themselves from more agony.
As a woman living in Bangladesh, it has become painfully normal for me to be catcalled on the streets or groped in public. From personal experience, I can assure everyone—it never gets better. As a child, I learned to recognize that strange feeling in my chest when something felt off. I grew older, became a young woman, then an adult woman—and that gut feeling has never left. Most of us experience sexual assault for the first time as children, when we don’t even realize what is happening. And then, somehow, it becomes an everyday part of life.
What bothers me deeply is how many men simply do not understand the privilege they hold in this regard. I am not denying the assaults men face, nor am I saying those stories matter any less. But when I talk to male friends about my experiences, they often respond with bewildering innocence: “And you stayed silent?” “You didn’t say anything?” “How could the people around you not intervene?” I never know how to answer. How can someone not understand that freezing is a normal reaction to fear? Or that staying silent can be a matter of survival? Or that sometimes we don’t speak because we know people will blame us for the clothes we wear? I know I should explain these things to my friends, make them understand, but sometimes my heart feels too numb to speak.
Recently I learned about Denim Day through an Instagram reel. When I looked deeper into it, I discovered the tragic story behind it. In 1992, an 18-year-old girl in Italy was raped by a 45-year-old man. He was arrested and prosecuted. But in 1998, he appealed the conviction, claiming the sex was consensual because the girl had been wearing tight jeans—arguing that he couldn’t have removed them without her help. Shockingly, the court accepted this “denim alibi” and initially declared him innocent. Outrage followed. Women wore jeans to Parliament as a statement of protest. Ten years later, the court finally struck down the “jeans alibi,” and the rapist was convicted again.
Denim Day has since become a global protest against sexual assault and victim-blaming. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and Denim Day is observed every year on the last Wednesday of April.
Learning about this case filled my mind with thoughts I can barely articulate. My words get tangled in rage and disappointment, until all I am left with is silence.
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